I love a married woman. Not a platonic love. A romantic love. And yes, that means I am a sinner. Probably a happy sinner.
Every one else for the past few years have simply just been a woman to fill this void of not being with her. I have loved some, but, with restraint. I have no restraint with her. That is honest. I have never met this woman. I have spend countless hours talking with her by email, chat and very infrequent calls. I have grown to understand her faults, her passions, her desires, dreams, fears, and have shared all of those same intimate details with her as well. I know of her, but not know her, in a biblical sense.
We understand each other in an intangible way that can only be described, in my opinion, as a rapport. It has been one of the most honest and loyal relationships I have ever had. And yet, I have never met her physically. She lives far away, and that is probably for the best. It would drive me more insane with compulsive daydreams and fantasies of us being together.
When we do talk, it’s more like a reconnecting with a long lost friend; her and I communicate nearly daily. Never missing a beat. Always trying to share most of the day’s details and not caring if we repeat the same conversation ever day.
She is the muse for my soul at times and the woman I come to with problems, big or small. There isn’t a woman that I know, right now; that can motivate me or distract me happily, as she does.
There have been times that we have stopped talking. Life changes. Personal growth. We still find a way back to each other. She is the only woman that I know that I have never closed off communication to. Ever.
I want to apologize to every woman I have ever been romantically involved or had aspirations to achieve that level of intimacy with in my life. I cannot express in words how you have made me feel and how I truly wanted to try to have someone of my own that I could love.
I do not know why I am confessing this now in my life, loving this married woman has been my secret for so long. I do not know if I will feel the same about her tomorrow, or the next day; all I know is how I feel today - right now. And I love her. Even though she may never choose me, I know that my life, with her in it, has been better than without her.
